For the amount of years I’ve been single, I thought that there was something truly wrong with me. I would go on dates and something just did not seem to click, really. The guys I were attracting seem to be a glimpse of my insecurities in human form. What do I mean by this? Every guy that I was attracting was something that I needed to work on within myself.
Guys with ALOT of insecurities that needed reassurance every five minutes. Guys that needed to know my every move because they wanted to be in control and/or had trust issues. Guys that blocked people when they didn’t necessarily agree as to how they reacted to things. Guys that were overly critical of every thing people did to try to make them a “better” person. Guys that were very selfish and always wanted things to be done and go their way. SO basically, I was attracting guys that were very capable of being overly attached to anyone they were dating at the time by being controlling.
And this is when I realized something. Was I attracting flawed parts of myself that I haven’t healed yet? Yup! Was I attracting experiences that I have not healed from in the past? ABSOLUTELY! It took me several years to get it with God’s help. There were several things I prayed about to God that allowed me to heal and become content in my singleness.
I prayed for God to work on my discernment when it came to not ONLY men but people in general. We all know when we pray for things God send test. WHEW! When I tell you I was TESTED by God. I was literally getting the same people in my life for several years until I started to pay attention to my intuition. If something didn’t feel right about a person, I literally gave that person to God in prayer after I continuously kept attracting the same people over and over again. I was so frustrated that I was like OKAY GOD HERE! How funny that I thought I could heal alone. Nu uh.
I prayed for healing and contentment within myself. I was in place mentally that I thought I wasn’t really good enough for love. This was certainly a hard pill to swallow. In order to be ready for someone new in my life, I had to find contentment in myself and heal from previous experiences. It took a lot of years of work and God surely help me with that.
I prayed to allow God to take full control over not just my love life but my ENTIRE life. Now this was very hard to pray for because I am somewhat of a control freak. Well, I can be at times. I like things to be in order, communicated well, absolutely perfect, but we all know life DOES NOT work that way. When you allow God to take over your life, it will force you to get out of your comfort zone. It’s an uncomfortable journey I must say and your faith will be tested. Ask me how I KNOW?! Going through it now. HA!
So my experiences while dating in my 30’s is simply this, I have been attracting things and people that I do not want because I haven’t dealt with the past. I haven’t really met a man that is truly ready to date because I, myself, was very unsure if I wanted to date. My journey to finding true and genuine love is mostly within myself. Happy I finally realized that. Maybe there was something wrong with me. I did not value myself enough to allow true love to come in. I have finally healed from the past and I thank God for it.