Approaching 30, Not Married, & Unbothered.

Before you start reading, I am just 27 but I will be turning 28 soon. But whatever, read. I wrote some good stuff, I promise.

So, I am pretty sure everyone wanted me to write a home decor blog for my first official “blog” on my website. If you did not want that topic then I’m pretty sure you expected it but either way I figured I would touch on something more personal and relatable. Well, let’s not beat around the bush and get to it, shall we.

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I recently saw people on my timeline this year posting a meme saying “Did not get engaged on December 25th.” As if they were throwing shade to those that actually got engaged or just sad that you just didn’t get that ring this year. Or posting hints to get the single fellas to get your digits and marry you.  I highly understand the pressure of getting engaged/married before you turn 30. Your parents want to have a son in law and cute grand babies they can spoil rotten. On top of that, every year approaching 30 is a reminder that your biological clock is ticking. OH! also watching your best friends get married every year and having to buy a bridesmaid dress. Later on, every time you look in your closet you see those 15 bridesmaid dresses. (I only got three bridesmaid dresses just to clear the air… ONLY 3.)

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Another reminder that a girl just can’t find her knight in shiny armour any quicker than Mariah Carey can find her high note again. (Okay, that was a bit harsh because I love Mariah Carey but let’s carry on)

Sweetheart, I know the struggle is real but let’s get real somethings will happen with time.

Wait, now before you get on my case let’s break down why you should be unbothered (like me) about not being married before 30.

Marriage is not an accomplishment, it is work between two partners that love one another.

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It requires God, patience, communication, and whole lot of sacrifices. You have to give yourself fully and there is no room for selfishness. You have to be ready for that kind of commitment. My friends have shown me true love in their marriages. They love their husbands and they also are their best friend. So, it is safe to say I have great examples through my friends. I have watched some of them sacrifice holidays to be with their spouses’s loved ones instead of their own. And yes, sometimes you can’t always get what you want. Yes, that means you have to watch the way you spend so both of y’all won’t be broke. (You just might have to give up going to Target every week. I know. How sad! What a nightmare!) Men , hide your kids and hide your credit cards.

DO not believe the HYPE . I have a love/ hate relationship for social media. It creates false images and insecurities. Every thing on social media is not golden I promise you. I have seen way too many couples post their every move and then break up and disappear like nothing happened. (Okay, I am guilty of this and I just stomped on my own toes. I am human. do not judge me. I was in college and in love.) Some people that post their happiness are actually happy but there are those few people that post just to make it seem like they are. I am not saying go to someone’s instagram and look at their pictures and imprint in your mind that “They may not be happy” to feed your own misery and sadness. I am just simply saying “DO NOT BELIEVE THE HYPE”! and Do not let social media stuff get to you. Be happy for others for once people.

There is not an age deadline for marriage/relationship of some sort. I repeat “There is not an age deadline for marriage.” Why do we give ourselves to 25 to get married? You can not even predict your future so why do we think we can tell ourselves at what age we should get married? I will be 28, still single and absolutely loving that I am. Why? Because I personally need the time to make myself available to my future husband by working on myself. I was in a 5-6 year relationship that required some healing and reflecting. I had to have time to figure out myself again and what I really wanted in a future relationship. That kind of reflecting takes time. You can not rush the process. Anything rushed will not last.

Lastly, You are not alone. There are plenty of women that are not married just yet. Woman that are working their butts off and still single just like you. You are not the only one working a full time job, chasing your dreams, and getting a masters. Heck, some y’all are working on a doctorate. I looked at a Steve Harvey show once about making room for what you want. He basically said “In order to receive a blessing you have to make room.” He told his mom that he is getting a new car and every time he mentioned getting a new car she responded  ” But you have not moved your old car yet off the street.” Think about it. Do you have time for a relationship/marriage? Are you in an emotional/physical/mental state for this kind of commitment? Spiritually, are you ready for something that will require you to focus on something other than yourself during this process? How is your relationship with God? Is it good? How often do you read about the roles of a husband and a wife in the bible? Are you ready for what the bible says according to God’s word? Have you made room for love in your heart from previous pain from old relationships?  If the answer to these question are No then maybe you have not made room for your blessing just yet. It is coming but you have to make room. You have to leave a lot of baggage in 2016 and build on what you learned.

I really hope that everyone had an awesome New Year. Even if you spent it alone, you woke up on January 1st, 2017 alive and well. That’s more of a blessing then getting a kiss under the fireworks. One day, you will get that moment but for now build to make that moment happen.

Sincerely,

Jamie Veniimg_05901